Every human should have sexual freedom
I have been thinking about the ideology of people and how
they think through other human beings, especially those they consider or
perceive as different from what they already know. The fact that many people
can hardly see the human side of people they consider or perceive to be
different, is disturbing and we all should be worried.
So, let’s look at Lesbian, Gay and Bisexual persons in a
Nigeria context, and I intentionally left out Transgender persons because the
discussion around gender identity is completely different from sexual
orientation. I often hear people ask questions on how anyone becomes LGB or how
they even have sex, or make babies, as if human life and existence is about sex
and babies. I have seen questions like; Who is the woman or man? How do they
enjoy sex? and many other endless questions. However, I also understand that
this comes from a place of complete lack of knowledge and therefore people need
to learn and unlearn what they already know, this is how society progresses and
ensures safe space for all human. No society can progress through a narrowed
view of one man or many of them, she does through the ability to understand
differences and the willingness to learn the struggle of those seen or considered
different from the majority.
We always find it difficult to think beyond sex when we
think about LGB persons. The fact that we have sexualised a full-grown human
being is disturbing as this limits our view on the struggles and realities
experienced by LGB persons in a heteronormative society like Nigeria. Since we
have decided to always look at LGB persons from a place of sex and not as a
complete human being with emotions that are connected to families, friends,
co-workers, and communities which are beyond sex, we can as well talk about sex
since this seems to be a concern for many.
I realised that many have limited their understanding of
“sexual orientation” to just sex and for this reason; many are unable to think
beyond sex or understand that before and beyond sex, there is emotion. More
importantly, that this emotion connects deeply to human feeling and is not
determined by the type of sex a person is having or going to have. The way men
or women are emotionally attracted to women or men, is equally the same way men
and women who find other men and women attractive, emotionally process their
thoughts; it’s beyond sex.
I have heard people say, ‘I don’t have problems with LGB
persons as long as they don’t make any sexual or emotional advance at me.’ My
problem with this line of thought is, how is a heterosexual person sure that
the person they are trying to make sexual or emotional advance at is
heterosexual? The reality remains that LGB persons will have as much sex as
they want, and this will not change or disturb the amount of sex heterosexual
people will have. Sex should not define any person or group of persons so long
as the sex that happens is between two adults with mutual consent. No one
really needs to know who lies on top, below or beside.
I have always believed we need to free ourselves on
discussion around sex, this thinking that once you talk about sex you are “lose
or unholy” is wrong and a false to our realities. Heterosexual people need to
liberate themselves from this thought as it will help them free LGB persons and
start seeing them as full human being who is not only about sex but will
equally have sex as much as any human being.
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